So...

I haven't posted in a while because i have been sick for forever! I have just been in bed and out of bed because I can't stand being in bed =] I really suck at getting better, I hate just laying around, but Im going to have to more these days because of my sinus infection, and I might have Bronchitus which is so amazing....but yeah I have been thinking alot about alot of things. Some in deapth so not as much. I have been thinking alot about Lindsey, though I do all the time, I have just been thinking about her alott more. I know what it takes to love someone, and I do NOT let people in very easy, I have never given my entire heart to anyone I have dated and I never fully trusted any of them, my walls were always up I would never let them down. These days I really don't feel as scared as I use to. My walls are actually crumbling more and more everyday. It leaves me vunerable, but its alowing me to really love someone. Everyone deserves to be loved it doesn't matter who you are. I can say that Iam holding ALOT back when it comes to loving her. I hold back because I don't want to scare her. I don't know why Im afraid of that, Im guess I just don't want her to run away. And I see alot of me in her, all the good things I see in her reflect all the good I have in me. I really never thought I would feel this way. I can't say 'again' because I haven't felt the way I do now before. I hate holding back, but I just feel like I have to right now. 'I love you' 'I don't think you know who you love'Well Im pretty sure I do know who I love. You know the things they have done, their past...I didn't fall for your past or mistakes or things you've done. I fell for that person. Their personality, how they can make me laugh, give me butterflies and make my stomach drop everytime I see her face, everything good I see in them that they can't see. The way she calls me 'babe' or 'baby' I do not say I love you unless I mean it, and when I do say it its real. Im done with the bullshit, Im done with the litte girls who don't know what they want and don't want to just settle down. I know what I want I know what I want to do, and I know who I would like to do that with. But I don't think she really knows how much I do love her, or will allow her self to see. I know she is scared, im scared also, but when you love someone and you really want to be with that person, and they are worth it, you close your eyes count to 10 and go head first with no turning back. If their was any way in this world for me to just grab her and shake her and tell her 'I love you dammit!' I would. Im not one to give up, I never give up on people I know have potential, and expessialy if I deeply truley care about that person. I will continue to keep trying to drill into her head that I do care very deeply for her. I do love her, I don't say it often because I don't want her to be freaked out or not believe me at all. And I don't want to vocalize it until she is ready to say it herself. Because writig it and saying it are two diffrent things to me. Saying it to someone is more intimant in my opinion. I feel like I should be telling her that I love her everyday, but I feel like she doesn't want me to. I know she wants to love me, its plain as day, but I also know she wont let herself. And that doesn't change how I feel about her at all in anyway. Love has not boundries, it has no limitations, and it is hard as hell! But if you don't let yourself love, you haven't lived. I know it will take some time, and im willing to do whatever it takes to get her to love me.

well now that I have just word vomited, I hope none of that will be taken the wrong way or something.


Iam greatful for....

1.Havng someone who cares about me as much as Lindsey does.
2.Being alive
3.Girls being on this earth
4.Family
5.Having all of my extremities

Your perfect for me